Disclaimer– this post was written during a mixed episode (see what is a mixed episode) and therefore presents a viewpoint of such. I leave this unedited.

I see this all the time in YouTube videos, suicide prevention campaigns and all sorts. This notion that you are never alone.

The reality is I am alone. At the end of the day it is just me and my mind, battling for survival and acceptance.

Don’t get me wrong, I am aware that there are multiple channels available to me, friends and family. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but these channels are inherently flawed in a way to results in me feeling, well, alone.

Talking to Friends and Family

Talking to a loved one can be a great way of making sense of your issues and seeking support. However there comes a point, often, where the person just doesn’t get it. They just can’t grasp what you are saying, either because they haven’t experienced it themselves or because you don’t quite know how to express yourself. The frustration of feeling misunderstood leads to a feeling of isolation, which is honestly worse than when you feel like it’s bubbling within you. Healthier probably, but flawed.

The NHS

Try seeking mental heath puppet when you are already diagnosed and on meds, and working a full time job. It’s impossible, therapy sessions are weekly at 12 on a Tuesday, I work 25 miles away from where I live. It’s not feasible.

Employment Support Services

Employment support services are by far the best support I have ever received. Throughout my anxiety bout I received counselling and ongoing support lasting months until I was healed. This time though, I can only do 5 sessions. I would love to go private, but I simply cannot afford it.

Advice

The one place I have found that has made me feel understood and validated is YouTube. Watching videos of newly diagnosed, people who have been diagnosed a while, licensed professionals and vlogs have led me to find people who share similar experiences to me, and offer guidance and advice. It’s a shame I can’t meet these people and have a two way dialogue. But for now it’s just me, and my mind.

Photo by Erika Thorpe from FreeImages