Dysphoric Mania

Stuck in a grey reality

I have no energy, no time, no desire for anything, yet I so desperately need something

I need to feel but what I need to feel needs to be more than this

Smoking, drinking, music, escape, nothing works

I begin to reject this stale existence, far more captivated by my own mind

Thoughts, memories, desires, dreams, hopes, delusions. It is better here

But it is not enough. I chase the high, feet firmly still on the ground

The feeling I desire the most, the me I want to become again, it’s all so close and yet just out of reach

Although, I barely even care

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